When you become a parent you expect you are going to have to explain lots of things (such as: why you use a fork to eat, why you dont pull the cat's tail, why you shouldnt play in the street....) but there are some things I thought I would never have to explain. Some things, I thought, are self explanatory... I mean they are so flippin obvious even a monkey could understand them... And yet I find myself saying, all the time, things I thought I would never have to say:
* Don't lick the soccer cleats
* Don't put makeup on the cat
* Underwear is not for playing with (every stuffed animal was wearing a pair)
* Make up is not the same as watercolors
* You may not live under the dining room table
* You can not be a unicorn when you grow up
* Do not try to dig you boogers out with a fork
* You can not sit on the baby, even if he cries too much
What are some things you thought you would never have to say.....
8 comments:
OK I am laughing at the underwear on the stuffed animals - I am laughing because that was me as a child. My first george was just a monkey - no clothes. He couldn't walk around nekkid so I would put underwear on him and he would go to the store with me and mom. George would ride in the buggy - I would walk.
"Honey, please come pull my pants up because I have raw chicken on my hands."
This said after my 1 year old was hanging on my legs as I was trying to prepare dinner. How long do you think my husband made me stand there in my underwear, with raw chicken on my hands, before he kindly pulled my pants up? Did I mention we had dinner guests over?
omg jamie, i laughed so hard when I read that! The things we moms go through! I hope your husband didnt leave you stranded too long!
* We dont carry the cat by the back legs
* We dont brush our hair with the toilet brush
* We do NOT drink out of the dogs bowl
But I think Jamies was the best!
"Get your finger out of your nose"
"What's the rule about sticks?"
Love the one about the make-up on the cat. And in all seriousness if your cat is too lazy to run away from them while they're applying mascara maybe he deserves it...just sayin'...(snicker, snicker)
You can not lick the fish (live fish in a tank, not sushi)
Do not take mommy's wedding ring to preschool.
Do not put mommy's wedding ring in play-doh to keep it safe.
Mayonnaise is not white paint.
Do not greet the landscapers while naked.
Do not ask strangers at restaurants if you can try their food to see if you like it.
Do you plan on making whining an olympic event?
not only have a muttered those things, but nearly everything I say on a daily basis, creeps me out..
That was hillarious! Thanks for a good laugh :)
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